Books take me to “places” I’ve never been and make me think about things outside my little realm of changing diapers and dusting blinds and hugging my kids to smithereens. Which is all good, but I want so much to be open to the bigger world…to see outside my little bubble here at home, and I want my kids to see that too.
I want you to get mad enough to change your life and mad enough to change your children’s lives – and maybe even mad enough to change your city or your country.
I have had enough! Enough living in bondage to “stuff”
Ignorance is not lack of intelligence; it is lack of knowledge on a particular subject.
Measure your wealth not by the things you have, but by the things for which you would not take money.
Personal finance is who you are. If you are very disciplined, you can be a good saver of money. If you are very selfish or self-centered, you will surround yourself with expensive toys that you cannot afford.
I want to spend the first half of my life attaining wealth and the other half giving it away. Make all you can, save all you can, give all you can.
Many of the suggestions may not appear “fun” in the short run, but in actuality they are a lot more “fun” in the long run. The best way to get rich quick is to not get rich quick. Its a cash flow plan not a budget.
You must learn to negotiate everything. Always tell the truth. Use the power of cash. Understand and use “walk away power” Shut up. ”Thats not good enough” Good guy- bad guy. ”If I…..”-give, but take.
Cash Flow Planning meeting. Trent- listen, take input and keep it brief. Sarah – show up, give input, be realistic. You spenders need a saver or you will retire eating nothing. You savers need a spender in your life, so that you have a life. Take the time each week to plan as a couple to improve your communication.
Your children are watching how you spend money. ”Tell me, and I’ll forget. Show me, and I may not remember. Involve me, and I’ll understand” Giving makes your children les self-centered. Easton needs to be paid commission on the spot at his age so that they are more willing to do the chore the next time and use a clear container to watch the money grow and decrease in size.
401TRENT for saving up for cars or other big items. Match the amount that they saved for the item.
We do what we really want to do. If you truly want to change certain areas of your life to avoid pain and then prosper, you will have to try new ways of doing things.
We are spiritual beings and when you neglect that aspect of your life, you do not run on full power.
three tough words. SACRIFICE, DISCIPLINE, and PATIENCE
You will never find real peace from any amount of manipulation of earthly “stuff” The only real peace is the “peace that passes all understanding” through Christ. I never found true contentment, true peace through any method or formula until I found him.
1. Avoid “Stuffitis” – The Worship of “Stuff”
2. Plant Seeds – Give money away to Worthy Causes
3. Develop Your Own “Power over Purchase”
4. Find Where You Are Naturally Gifted – Enjoy Your Work and Work Hard
5. Live Substantially Below Your Income
6. Sacrifice Now So You Can Have Peace Later
7. You Can Always Spend More Than You Can Make
8. The Borrower Is the Servant to the Lender; So Beware!
9. Check Your Credit Report at Least Once Every Two Years
10. Handle Credit Report Corrections Yourself
11. Realize that the Best Way for Delinquent Debt to Be Paid Is for You, Not Collectors, to Control Your Financial Destiny
12. You Must Save Money (the Power of Compound Interest)
13. Use the “Keep It Simple, Stupid” Rule of Investing
14. Only People Who Like Dog Food Don’t Save for Retirement
15. Always Save with Pretax Dollars – It is the Best Deal the Government Gives You
16. Learn Basic Negotiating Skills for Great Buys
17. Learn Where to Find Great Buys (the Treasure Hunt)
18. You Must Have Patience to Get Great Buys
19. Singles Get Self-Accountability from the Written Plan
20. Singles Should Look for a Money Mentor for Advice and Accountability
21. Singles Beware of the Impulse Monster; He Will Eat You Alive
22. Men and Women View Money Differently, So Be Sensitive to Differences
23. Opposites Attract in Marriage, So Work Together for Maximum Wisdom
24. When You Agree on Spending, You Will Experience Fabulous Unity in Your Marriage
25. Teach Children to Work, Spend Wisely, Save, and Give
26. The Most Powerful Legacy You Can Leave Is Wise, Competent Children
27. Giving Loved Ones All the Money They Request May Not Be Best For Them
28. Making Decisions Based on Fear of Reprisal Can Be a Sign of Codeprendence
29. Be Strong Enough to Help Others and Strong Enough Not To
30. Listen to Your Spouse’s Counsel (Women’s Intuition)
31. There Are Few “Old” Fools – Seek Experienced Counsel
32. You Must Keep Your Checkbook on a Timely Basis
33. Lay Out the Written Details of a Cash Management Plan
34. Commit to Your Plan for Ninety Days
35. Take Time to Prioritize Your Life Daily
36. Keep Your Spiritual Life Healthy
37. Take Baby Steps – Prioritize Your Plan and Move Slowly
Trent and I received this book from his parents for Christmas. I didn’t open it up until today and I have had my parents in town visiting and they wanted to look at the DVD supplement that came with the book. What a great book to start off the new year! We watched the whole DVD first before reading the book and I was very impressed with it and how much I need to learn more about the questions that I ask.
I will report back soon after I actually read the book but wanted to share with you a snippet of what I was taught that stood out to me thus far.
When we ask ourselves questions about anything in life but more importantly the spiritual ones we need to think about the doctrines and principlies that are behind that question and then use the application to help us find out its answer.
I recently received this information from my daughters school teacher and found it to be very helpful and wanted to share.
One simple way to nurture traits like grit, self-control, and curiosity is to use children’s literature as a springboard for discussion. When book characters and the subjects of biographies act with grace, use self-control, or are curious, we should highlight that! Talk about it; ask children what they might have done in that same situation. Use carefully chosen books as “mentor texts” for character traits.
Here’s a small collection that may get the conversation started:
Making a Difference: Meet Charlotte, Soo, Horton, and the other characters in this booklist recommended for kids ages 0-9. Whether they care about someone, have the courage it takes to act, or stand up for what they believe in, the characters in these books all have something in common — they’ve made a difference.
Standing Tall: What makes someone stand out? Sometimes it’s that they stand up for what’s right or what they believe in; other times it’s because they stand up to help a friend. In this collection of books recommended for kids ages 0-9 you’ll read about people who stand out because they stood strong.
Links to books with character building, positive traits: This helpful collection of links from Library Book Lists provides suggestions for books about honesty, self-discipline, fairness, and other traits.
My SIL, Amy, introduced this audiobook to us at our Chapman Sister Getaway and here are some of the key points I took away from it.
We are in a war with Satan and it can and will destroy our families if we don’t safe guard our homes. Women are a force for good in our world and we can have a great influence and power if we band together and motivate and inform others about this topic of pornography.
Pornography can be seen on computers, cell phones, video games, etc. Surfing the internet, opening emails, popups or even misspellings. Between the ages of 7-13 years a child is exposed to some type of pornography. 79-83% is seen in the home.
Don’t avoid bringing it to the family and start earlier than you think. She compared Lions vs Elephants in 1st Peter 5:8 in the Bible. Female elephants protect their young by gathering in a circle. We likewise can do this too with our own circles. Women are the Elephants in the room and we can defend virtue in our sphere of influence.
As women we need to be:
1. Be Aware
2. Take a Stand
3. Connect with Others
4. Use eachothers Strengths
Like Elephants we need to stand up and stay put stand strong and immovable. We need to share personal experience with our children about the times we can across pornography and how we felt about it when we saw it. We should prayerfully ask how we can as a family take a stand and I found one given to me by my Stake Presidency in Carlsbad titled Our Clean and Safe Media Pledge.
What media can we do without or delete from our homes? Who’s voice will get to our loved ones first? Our children want us to be tough and to talk with them about these issues and to discuss sex openly so that they don’t depend on porn to teach them.
My SIL, Allie uses this X3 Watch Accountability.
I have read this book time and time again and have come to truly feast on the ideas that they have presented. I actually shared my thoughts on this book with my Chapman sisters while we went on our weekend getaway here. Here is what I got out of it:
The most amazing thing about them is that the Spirit will bring them into our minds. Parents who view their children and themselves as spiritual beings having a mortal experience will increasingly find that, no matter how “worldly” the problem, there is a spiritual solution that can help.
There will still be frustrations, still be problems, and still be days when we are completely overwhelmed, but as we remember who our children really are, as we follow God’s own parenting patterns, as we pray as stewards and surrogate parents, and as we fully use the Church, the gospel, the Spirit, and the Priesthood, we can move to a new and higher level in the greatest calling we have, and the one calling that will never end.
Perspectives: Worldly Challenges, Spiritual Solutions
Parents all over the world face similar and escalating challenges this age of materialism, entitlement, and amorality. The restored gospel gives us insightful access to spiritual solutions;, if we can only remember them and apply them.
Solution 1: Remember your Children’s True Identity
Apply what we know about where our children came from….and discover their unique eternal personalities. Understand that our children are actually our spiritual siblings, and we should respect them as well as love them.
Knowing our children are our spiritual siblings and have been becoming who they are for the first side of eternity does not mean we cannot help them, teach them, improve them here in “middle earth.” They are who they are. Each is a unique spiritual personality and not just a reflection of who we are or who we want them to be. We can apply this knowledge to issues of self-esteem, peer pressure, bullying, development of talent and potential, sibling rivalry, safety, insecurity, and more. Ideas from this chapter include the following:
* Identifying practical ways to extend and receive spiritual respect
* Apologizing to children
* Learning to know kids individually; accurately recognizing gifts and challenges
* Helping your children know more about their spiritual selves
* Getting rid of guilt and understanding that you are not “starting from scratch”
* Applying “remember who you are” and helping kids make decisions in advance
* Using pre-emptive strikes to put the gospel perspectives as the foundation
* Creating a book to give to your children on their wedding day about them
Solution 2: Remember God’s Parenting Patterns
Follow the supreme example of how God parents us.
The best model for parenthood is the one that God himself has set. He taught us all He could in our premortal home and then gave us our agency. Following God’s parenting pattern comes into play as we help our kids learn to work, set goals, be responsible, handle money, make good choices, achieve personal repentance, be motivated and disciplined, and more. Ideas from this chapter include the following:
* Learning and teaching unconditional love
* Applying “hold them close and let them go”
* Understanding agency, choices, and family laws
* Trusting your kids and being trustworthy
* Giving stewardship for clothes, toys, goals, grades, conflicts, choices and values
* Enjoying each other and living for “moments”
* Teaching values
* Appreciating the importance of rituals and traditions
* Identifying angels in your lives and finding joy
* Creating a plan of happiness for your children
Solution 3: Remember Your Direct Channel to Father
Understand that we are mere mortal babysitters who can appeal directly to the real Parent. What prayer could be more appropriate and more effective than the one that essentially says, “Please help me to understand and raise these, your children” There are many opportunities and applications for this special prayer connection regarding rebellion, values, inactivity or apathy, individual discipline, personal prayer, testimony and more. Ideas from this chapter include the following:
* Applying a powerful and unique kind of stewardship prayer
* Listening and taking notes during prayer
* Praying with your family
* Praying as a couple
* Fearing God and not your kids
* Praying with small children
* Fasting (rejoicing) and prayer
* Improving the atmosphere of your home
* Holding monthly testimony meetings
* Teaching works and grace
Solution 4: Remember the Church’s “Scaffolding”
Take full advantage of all the help, support, and guidance the Church and its programs offer. Church programs, teachers, advisors, and “the ward family” are there for us, just as we are there for them. They can love and serve our kids, and back up every value and principle we teach. And the prophets sound a sure voice in an uncertain world. This back up and support from others can be applied to challenges of selfishness and sensitivity, growing up too fast, resolving past mistakes. Ideas from this chapter include the following:
* Using the “general contractor” approach
* Utilizing resources, from teachers to programs
* Helping children memorize and internalize
* Seeing problems with a family-oriented perspective
* Debriefing children after lessons, camps, outings, etc.
* Teaching at dinnertime
* Upgrading FHE and scripture study
* Maximizing the Sabbath Day
* Implementing the age of accountability
* Enhancing the teachings from seminary, institute, missions, and the temple
Solution 5: Remember the Savior’s Power
Use His spirit to guide, His Atonement to save, and His priesthood to bless our children. The Holy Ghost can help us see what our eyes can’t. Christ’s example and Atonement can guide our every move, and using the priesthood to bless our children and magnify our families brings the actual and literal power of God into our households and into our children’s lives. These advantages can be applied to the challenges of decisions and choices, values, insecurities and depression, pornography and sexual experimentation and more. Ideas from this chapter include the following:
* Understanding priesthood blessings
* Seeking and following promptings
* Creating a spiritual atmosphere in your home
* Using scripture and testimonies as gauges and measures
* Applying and motivating power of the Atonement
* Keeping the Savior foremost, using Christ as a model
* Acknowledging rejoicing and appreciating moments
* Remembering Christ through the sacrament
* Learning from other Christians
Those who are allowed near-death experiences forget much of what they see and hear. Some of it is blocked purposefully, by God. Other parts are forgotten because of the trauma through which they go in re-entering the body and recovering from injuries.
He met with men who fought in the Revolutionary and Civil wars who sacrificed their lives for our freedoms and they asked him, “Now what are you doing for this cause?” We will answer that same question at the judgement bar of God concerning how we have used these profound blessings.
I wondered how many times I had been inspired by unseen ministering servants of God, sent to assist me? How many times had I thought I suddenly had a most important idea and assumed I was the one with such great intellect? Never again will I doubt the influence of God in even the smallest matters in my life. He is listening, and His servants are indeed being sent to help us.
I couldn’t put this book down and I happened to be watching Susan’s boys and saw this book on her desk. I’ve heard so many things about this book and wanted to know her view of motherhood.
It was a very easy read and entertaining at times to read just how much she controlled her children and to then read how she kept it up and was consistent. I am not a consistent parent and I will be the first to admit it. But she is intense and fierce.
I’ve read many reviews from mothers I respect who have read this book and to some I am surprised to what they have said about it. Because now that I have read it I see some great points but I feel like she doesn’t give them the free agency to choose.
This book explains things so simply and logically that it makes complete sense. However this philosophy will take some practice because I will have to change my vocabulary that I speak to my children from fighting words to thinking words.
I will find success using the Love and Logic attitude and once that attitude is mastered, handling most problems will become second nature.
I can’t wait for that day to happen but of course back to what I said is that it takes practice. I am going to have to take one step at a time and one concept at a time.
A Love and Logic parent is always asking questions and always offering choices. They don’t tell kids what to do, but put the burden decision making on the child’s shoulders.
Using enforceable thinking words, giving choices, displaying no anger- these are the ingredients for establishing firm limits with our kids.
Susan did an absolutely great job presenting the “5 Love Languages” session. Right at the beginning she took us through the emotion of having our first child and the first few moments of the baby being placed into our arms. She delivered it with so much passion and conviction it was incredible. She was so concerned about it but she did wonderful.
I’ve read the book and have been aware of the love languages particularly the last 2 months but I still learned more about my own, Trent’s and our childrens’ love languages yesterday as she went into more detail and posed many different situations that I hadn’t even thought of before.
It was another eye opening experience for me.
Mine is definitely, without a doubt, Acts of Service! My secondary however is Quality Time and those two just go hand in hand in my opinion. I feel and show my love by doing kind deeds and acts of service to those I come in contact with. I tend to be the first one to volunteer myself for a lot of things, but I do it in moderation because I don’t want to juggle too many projects.
I’ve concluded why I struggle so much to prepare meals and cook in the kitchen… I want to have someone right by my side with me helping me and serving right along with me! Is that funny or what!?!
I give and give, and love to fill my bucket, but its hard to see my children not understand my love language. I wish I could just tell them that cleaning their room all by themselves would show me that they love me but I’ve tried and it didn’t work. I wonder what age that will happen?? When will they recognize that they need to be of service to me or others to show that love language to me?
Trent’s love language is Physical Touch and his secondary is Quality Time. As his wife, in order for me to show him I love him I need to grab his hand when he least expects it, rub his back, etc. For both of us we really enjoy just being together and it doesn’t matter what we are doing. That is why we travel a lot especially alone as a couple.
Reeghan and Paetan
My girls are both Quality Time and their secondary is Gifts. Reeghan always uses the line when every she gets frustrated with us that she wants to leave our family. I know its not a good line for her to use, but I finally figured out that she just needs me to spend “time” with her, which I have really neglected to do, especially the last few weeks. She’s growing up so fast that I want to take this time to show her that I really do love her. Its also important to use eye contact while spending time with them as well.
Paetan, on the other hand, is only 5 and she can still change her love language(s). As Susan talked about her daughter Emma, who is a very well rounded person and responds well to all 5 of the love languages, I thought of Paetan. Paetan enjoys all of them and I’ve recognized that she feels love in all 5 of those areas, which is a good thing. At times I wish I really enjoyed Physical Touch or Gifts but those two are at the very bottom of my list.
How do you figure out what your child’s language is?
First, ask yourself this question: What are they constantly asking for?
Next, ask your child:
How do you know Mommy and Daddy love you?
Or you can give them an actual ‘love language test’ as is found in the Love Languages books (In the kids edition of the book, there is a “kid friendly version” of the test)
As I push away the girls while I am working on ‘busy work’ or my own little projects, it tells them that I don’t love them and I’m withholding something… am I conditionally loving them? A great idea, to overcome this, is to spend 30-40 minutes before you have to go tackle a “to do” and spend that time focused on them and what they want to do and need and then after a time limit is set then you can go do your “to do”.
This not only fills us but more importantly it fills their love bucket as well.
It’s a very interesting ideology and I am so fascinated by it and wonder what other people’s love languages are so that I can use them to better show love towards them. So let me know, ok?
Susan and I plan on presenting this in our workshops and retreats that we will be doing in the future but go ahead and go by the book. The book is written for adults, kids, teens, and even a Men’s edition. Its written by Gary Chapman (same name, but no, the author is not my father-in-law)