Posts made in April 6th, 2013

Last day of Spring Break was rough

It’s been a fun week for spring break and Friday was a hard one. All 3 of the older ones broke down all at once and ganged up on eachother. I did “break” literally and I have to admit that I broke my challenge of no yelling. Oh how it hurt inside to do that. The pain hits you hard right after you have done it that you’ve failed and slipped up. Easton and Reeghan were going at it in the car with punches and scratches and I just held my own and let them fight it out until we reached the stop sign and I burst! Then I threw my phone charger to the back of the car because I was so frustrated. I’ve realized that all the sitting and watching them just fueled my fire and then I just consumed them all with my yell. The night only got progressively worse as Easton continued to throw things at me all because he didn’t want to apologize to Reeghan. He finally did and then came to me and said sorry. I took “going out with dad” away from him as a consequence for the incident in the car earlier and it was time for trent to go and that made it worse to the point that he continued to throw more at me again after Trent had left! I just broke down in front of him and that didn’t seem to do anything and my instinct came to kick him to stop. Yep I said it, I kicked my son down. I ran out of his room and fell onto my bed with more alligator tears this time. My thoughts of my Savior flooded my mind at this moment and I thought of the words I just taught to the youth just on Sunday. Then I thought about my studythis morning about standing in holy places and it sure wasn’t holy around my house this afternoon. Finally I fell to my knees and pleaded and pleaded for him. It’s a tiny miniscual problem I’m dealing with trying to create more sibling love but man I sure am failing. However I know that I can jump right back on and pray even harder to overcome this weakness of mine. I need help and I can’t do it alone. Pae came in a few minutes later and asked if I felt better and I told her being a mom is hard and she said. “I help make it hard, I’m sorry”. It was a tender moment and proceeded to tell her we all are working on being better people and we mess up and it sucks when we do. Easton once again came into my room about a half hour later and apologized again. Oh the lessons he is learning! Man it was a hard afternoon! His room still looks like this and I’m not touching it I may last for...

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