I have read this book time and time again and have come to truly feast on the ideas that they have presented. I actually shared my thoughts on this book with my Chapman sisters while we went on our weekend getaway here. Here is what I got out of it:
Spiritual Solutions
The most amazing thing about them is that the Spirit will bring them into our minds. Parents who view their children and themselves as spiritual beings having a mortal experience will increasingly find that, no matter how “worldly” the problem, there is a spiritual solution that can help.
There will still be frustrations, still be problems, and still be days when we are completely overwhelmed, but as we remember who our children really are, as we follow God’s own parenting patterns, as we pray as stewards and surrogate parents, and as we fully use the Church, the gospel, the Spirit, and the Priesthood, we can move to a new and higher level in the greatest calling we have, and the one calling that will never end.
Perspectives: Worldly Challenges, Spiritual Solutions
Parents all over the world face similar and escalating challenges this age of materialism, entitlement, and amorality. The restored gospel gives us insightful access to spiritual solutions;, if we can only remember them and apply them.
Solution 1: Remember your Children’s True Identity
Apply what we know about where our children came from….and discover their unique eternal personalities. Understand that our children are actually our spiritual siblings, and we should respect them as well as love them.
Knowing our children are our spiritual siblings and have been becoming who they are for the first side of eternity does not mean we cannot help them, teach them, improve them here in “middle earth.” They are who they are. Each is a unique spiritual personality and not just a reflection of who we are or who we want them to be. We can apply this knowledge to issues of self-esteem, peer pressure, bullying, development of talent and potential, sibling rivalry, safety, insecurity, and more. Ideas from this chapter include the following:
* Identifying practical ways to extend and receive spiritual respect
* Apologizing to children
* Learning to know kids individually; accurately recognizing gifts and challenges
* Helping your children know more about their spiritual selves
* Getting rid of guilt and understanding that you are not “starting from scratch”
* Applying “remember who you are” and helping kids make decisions in advance
* Using pre-emptive strikes to put the gospel perspectives as the foundation
* Creating a book to give to your children on their wedding day about them
Solution 2: Remember God’s Parenting Patterns
Follow the supreme example of how God parents us.
The best model for parenthood is the one that God himself has set. He taught us all He could in our premortal home and then gave us our agency. Following God’s parenting pattern comes into play as we help our kids learn to work, set goals, be responsible, handle money, make good choices, achieve personal repentance, be motivated and disciplined, and more. Ideas from this chapter include the following:
* Learning and teaching unconditional love
* Applying “hold them close and let them go”
* Understanding agency, choices, and family laws
* Trusting your kids and being trustworthy
* Giving stewardship for clothes, toys, goals, grades, conflicts, choices and values
* Enjoying each other and living for “moments”
* Teaching values
* Appreciating the importance of rituals and traditions
* Identifying angels in your lives and finding joy
* Creating a plan of happiness for your children
Solution 3: Remember Your Direct Channel to Father
Understand that we are mere mortal babysitters who can appeal directly to the real Parent. What prayer could be more appropriate and more effective than the one that essentially says, “Please help me to understand and raise these, your children” There are many opportunities and applications for this special prayer connection regarding rebellion, values, inactivity or apathy, individual discipline, personal prayer, testimony and more. Ideas from this chapter include the following:
* Applying a powerful and unique kind of stewardship prayer
* Listening and taking notes during prayer
* Praying with your family
* Praying as a couple
* Fearing God and not your kids
* Praying with small children
* Fasting (rejoicing) and prayer
* Improving the atmosphere of your home
* Holding monthly testimony meetings
* Teaching works and grace
Solution 4: Remember the Church’s “Scaffolding”
Take full advantage of all the help, support, and guidance the Church and its programs offer. Church programs, teachers, advisors, and “the ward family” are there for us, just as we are there for them. They can love and serve our kids, and back up every value and principle we teach. And the prophets sound a sure voice in an uncertain world. This back up and support from others can be applied to challenges of selfishness and sensitivity, growing up too fast, resolving past mistakes. Ideas from this chapter include the following:
* Using the “general contractor” approach
* Utilizing resources, from teachers to programs
* Helping children memorize and internalize
* Seeing problems with a family-oriented perspective
* Debriefing children after lessons, camps, outings, etc.
* Teaching at dinnertime
* Upgrading FHE and scripture study
* Maximizing the Sabbath Day
* Implementing the age of accountability
* Enhancing the teachings from seminary, institute, missions, and the temple
Solution 5: Remember the Savior’s Power
Use His spirit to guide, His Atonement to save, and His priesthood to bless our children. The Holy Ghost can help us see what our eyes can’t. Christ’s example and Atonement can guide our every move, and using the priesthood to bless our children and magnify our families brings the actual and literal power of God into our households and into our children’s lives. These advantages can be applied to the challenges of decisions and choices, values, insecurities and depression, pornography and sexual experimentation and more. Ideas from this chapter include the following:
* Understanding priesthood blessings
* Seeking and following promptings
* Creating a spiritual atmosphere in your home
* Using scripture and testimonies as gauges and measures
* Applying and motivating power of the Atonement
* Keeping the Savior foremost, using Christ as a model
* Acknowledging rejoicing and appreciating moments
* Remembering Christ through the sacrament
* Learning from other Christians
